[SATIRE ALERT]
Serious Sports Networkis reporting that there is a rumor circulating that Andruw Jones asked for a lifetime supply of Dodger Dogs as part of his contract with the baseball franchise.
In response to questions from reporters, Scott Boras – who represents Jones – said “…Certainly Andruw loves Dodger dogs – and will receive a generous amount gratis – but he won’t receive them free for life…that’s just ridiculous.”
New Dodger manager Joe Torre also weighed in on the rumor when asked to comment by reporters. Said Torre, “The guy’s an All Star, and all you people want to talk about his love of a delicious, ten-inch, spicy grilled hot dog that’s topped with mouth watering picante sauce. Let it go”
Rest assured that we will be reviewing the Jones contract details to see if any hot dogs are mentioned.
[END SATIRE ALERT]
Look, the fundamental problem with Jones isn’t his weight; it’s his inability to spell his first name properly! This has always been a portent of bad things to come…for those who have eyes to see, that is. Moreover, this is but another twisted branch from the same dysfunctional Dodger tree that gave us Eric Gagne, who is unable to pronounce his last name properly (unlike Greg Gagne, who did). And look at the sorry state to which HE’S come. I don’t care how they do it Curacao or Canada; both these guys play in the U.S. and are (over)paid in U.S. greenbacks, so they can darn-well respect our culture, our spelling & our pronunciation! Confucius say: when in Rome, do as the ones paying your salary do.